Charlotte Bolster
Becoming a mother in a pandemic is not something I could have ever imagined.
In February 2020, I was an early career artist, pregnant with my first baby, and trying to establish myself through a once in a lifetime residency in Central Saint Martin’s print studio. The arrival of lockdown in March came after six weeks stuck at home with relentless ‘morning’ sickness. It all but extinguished my hopes of returning to the residency and with it took my direction and something of my sense of self. I was painfully conscious this was not time I had to lose, if I were to build a career, but I found myself suddenly bereft of motivation to do even the smallest things. It was the middle of a beautiful spring, and I might have been full of joyful anticipation. In reality, I felt trapped without hope for the future and convinced that I only had myself to blame.
But then I had an idea; to embroider my experience. I took a small sample cloth in which a bird is surrounded by burst a of colourful flower, and carefully stitched a golden cage around the animal. Anticipating there must be other expectant parents feeling similarly, I reached out to record and honour their journeys in the same way. The result is 'With child' an ever-increasing library of images, prose and poems submitted by women from across the UK and beyond and representing a diversity of experience.
Some mothers had been able to use the unusual circumstances to care for themselves whilst for others lockdown measures tore apart their family and kept them away from their new-borns. Most of us deeply missed the support of friends and family and the opportunity to share experiences with them, but for some restrictions afforded hidden blessings through a slower pace of life.
Individual pieces constitute patches, eventually to come together as a large patchwork baby blanket. In the meantime, the archive is being used at mother and baby groups where the range of experiences represented initiates dialogue helping others to process and express their own experience.
In my case, where pregnancy in the pandemic had felt like an inescapable cage, the birth of my baby was an exciting venture into the unknown. Inspired by mothers-in-lockdown and the inspirational talks given by Dawn Yow and Helen Sargent, I began recording the daily ups and downs, through photography and reflective writing.
The wonder and joy of bringing a new life into the world cannot be without challenge and risk. Being a survivor of anorexia, having a baby put me at significant risk of relapse. Approximately 50% of women who have had an eating disorder and go on to give birth relapse within two years of having their baby, but it seems that no one is talking about it! I set out to use my photo journaling to change this, and @oneyearamother was born.
@oneyearamother takes the form of an Instagram account in which I publish my photos with posts reflecting on personal experience, oftentimes provided with links to reliable research/ helpful guidance on the topic discussed. The purpose is to provide a space for people to share their experiences, to be informed and/or to find comfort.
To contact me about either project, or to share your own story of pregnancy/new motherhood in the pandemic use instagram, @lottie_bolster or email lottie.bolster@gmail.com
